Sunday, January 28, 2007

taxi tales...

Friday night/Saturday morning. I grab 3 dudes in the southside and they are heading to the north hills. 1 has bruises on his face from falling down drunk. We hit the highway and start rolling. 2 dudes pass out and one is on the phone with his girlfriend/wife lying about where he is and what he did that night. He hangs up and has this conversation over and over for about 40 minutes with his 2 passed out friends:
"you guys are fucking pussies. This is total bush league. You need to man up. Sack up you pussies, im holding this all together...." literally 20 - 40 minutes of this nonstop.
The guy up front wakes up and we decide to go to McDonalds.
"I will have 50 chicken nuggets.... and 10 double cheeseburgers... and 3 large vanilla milkshakes"...
I had to really convince these dudes that I wasnt into it although it was their treat. I went without a 3 am mcvalue meal.
In the 5 minutes between Mcburgers and the one guy's house, the two guys in the back seat start fighting. One has a bloody nose, and the other passes back out. We pull up into a giant sprawling neighborhood filled with mcmansions with our mcburgers. The dude up front hooks me up with the 60 bucks he owes me, and hands the food to a dude in the back seat. Everybody out of the car and there is a fistfight. 3 drunk dudes fighting in the middle of a street lined with 250,000 dollar houses. The mcdonalds bags are torn, nuggets are flying in the street and the dudes are punching and kicking in the middle of the street.
I pulled away only to find that infact it is a dead end street, forcing me to turn around and watch this debacle again. What a mess. The one dude was a lawyer he said.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, you have real job now! Now you know how I feel having to listen to people drone on all day about their chronic pain...this person didn't help me, that person didn't help me...on and on...WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR ME?

Enjoy. And, time to start secretly filming this crap, then extorting money from those hapless fucks.

Sean

Anonymous said...

did the guy who said he was a lawyer use a headlock when he was fighting?

Anonymous said...

I will kick their fucking ass Stubna or whatever your name is, dude. I will not have that in a neuvo riche neighborhood, man. It did sound like that one guy was holding the crew together (and all like manner of shitty, shitter speak.) Also- just eat the 3am meal brother.

Kralldiggler said...

a few tell tale signs if it was "said" lawyer...
1. Head lock fighting style
2. Lawyer, i guess that doesn't need repeated.
3. Did he say he already had two lunches?

Burt Friggin' Hoovis said...

Dude, you have a great friggin' job. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I'm posting this with out reading your blog so it better live up to HBO!!! back in a minute

Anonymous said...

Awe , yes this is HBO we would like to out fit your cab with cameras and call your show "Cab Fights". How do you feel about starting fights with your clients? We envision a format similar to bum fights. Once you get paid you could open your trunk and 3 midgets could jump out and the 4 of you could kick some ass. All this while shown from a midget cam. I like it. How do you feel about a tattoo of me on your back. I think it would be pretty cool.