Thursday, December 02, 2010

I am not going to shadyside to get zen

So a yoga place in Shadyside has a "all you can do for 20 dollars" deal going on. I am taking a few weeks off the bike, and I need something to do, so I signed up. For those not in the know, Shadyside is a fancy area of the city. Sephora, mac store, coach, gap, etc.

So anyway, I am riding my bike to the studio and I come up on the super aggro bike commuter. We all know this dude, right? He is on a decent hybrid bike, pushing like a 48x13 the entire time. He keeps looking back to see if he is putting time into me between red lights. He didnt say hi when I said hello. Just some super aggro dude. We come up on an intersection where I KNOW the car in the left lane that is supposed to turn left will probably actually go straight. Of course it happens. I watch the dude FREAK OUT on the driver, even though he was like 30 feet away from getting hit. It was not even close.

Anyway, I just keep riding behind aggro commuter dude. I turn and ride up the backstreet to the yoga place. Of course the dude pops out and IS ALSO GOING TO YOGA. Great. I avoid him while doing the sign in / change routine. I put my mat down, and go out to get water. Of course, despite most of the place being empty, and despite most of the other people (except me) in the place being young attractive females, THE DUDE PUTS HIS MAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

Anyway, my reason for going to yoga for the winter is so I can get more aerodynamic and be faster while putting out the same watts. I am not even going to front. However this dude, and the rest of the people in the glass are all "ohm ing" and "namastse ing" and all that stuff.

Then I looked around and thought about a story Amy told me. She and her two girlfriends were riding up Smallman St last week. There are 3 parallel outbound streets and it is the least busy, and the recommended bike route. A woman with a "buy organic buy local" bumper sticker on one side of her bumper and an "Obama 08" sticker on the other side passes them while blowing the horn and GIVING THEM THE FINGER. I could be crazy, but I think Amy said that it was a Prius.

Anyway, all this crap is not related. Not at all. It is just funny that people will pay 15 dollars to pretend to be zen, and then flip off their neighbors while buying organic produce. Or I guess the point is: you can take shitty people and have them do cool things, and they maintain their shitty persona.

Maybe someday I will be able to write a story that is concise and makes sense.


Anonymous said...

In 2001 I did my first ever 24hrs of Snowshoe, one of my teammates convinced his friend a massage therapist to volunteer his time for the weekend. Lucas was an all around interesting guy. He told me two things one, whiskey was a worthy substitute payment for cash and two that he turned away any clients who were late. The idea being that why would he want to work on someone who had rushed to get there and was now all tense and stressed, it more or less defeated the purpose of his therapy. He said he could always find someone else to give him whiskey.

- Jernigan

Andrew Brautigam said...

You can't expect good behavior from drivers, even if they're driving a subaru.

Jim said...

The term I stole from Christina Briseno to describe Aggro Commuters is Pathletes. Their behavior - Pathletic. The reason that guy had to beat you to the studio and then put his mat next to yours is BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING HIS FUCKING ZEN ON WHAT THE FUCK DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT, ASSHOLE? YOU CLEARLY DON'T "GET" ZEN YOU JERK!

As for the drivers... I find a pretty high percentage of asshole drivers in D.C. (the ones who aren't rocking diplomatic plates on a Volvo) to be multiple bumper sticker people. That and people with NJ or Florida plates - same people, different residences.

Anonymous said...

I dropped a guy on my commute through the strip one morning after he didn't respond to my good morning and then tried to sprint past me. Am I the jerk or is he? Both maybe?


samlikesbikes said...


Jason said...

Haha, someone else subscribes to my multiple bumper sticker theory. ANYONE with 2 or more bumper stickers is insane no matter what the bumper stickers say.

Anonymous said...


I thought only women did yoga. Well, women and Ed.

The Captain.

Spice said...

"my reason for going to yoga for the winter is so I can get more aerodynamic and be faster while putting out the same watts."

Doesn't Ed Krall sell some sort of balm to help with this?

Jason said...

I got passed on a dirt two weeks ago, out in the middle of Rectal Fornication, MI by a guy in a pick up truck, Bush/NRA stickers and a dead deer in the back of it. He went way wide to avoid me, and gave a wave. I gave a thumbs up. Funny strange, but not so funny "ha ha."

p.s. I watch a ton of yoga on TV. Sometimes it's better than porn.

Sykes said...