Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Victory Salute Rules

This is a working definition. Please add in the comments.

- No hands shall come off of the bars on a weekday
Obvious exceptions are stage races, and 1 week series, like speed week that is going on now, or super week. This should just go without saying, but be modest at your training races. You went there knowing you would win right? If you dont win, its just training and you were doing "efforts" prescribed by your coach.

- No hands shall come off of the bars where your age is greater than the field size
You are "elite" by usac definition, a 23-29 year old person racing some podunk race. You shopped around for a race that you can win, and you have found it. Thing is, it is such a podunk race, only 12 others showed up. NO VICTORY SALUTE! (Does not apply to masters 45+. Its still amazing to me that they can get a field of 20 guys that old that can still drive to the races without crashing or needing handicapped parking.)

- Do not do anything that will date the victory salute
Remember lance with the Arsenio Hall in 93? Remember Arsenio Hall? Exactly. In 20 years do you want to be telling your grandchildren about your win in the C race at a local cyclocross series and have a picture of you doing "the Roger Rabbit" dance move across the line. Imagine the time it would take for you to even explain to them who Roger Rabbit was, more or less why you decided that was the right thing to do at the time. Picture grandpa Simpson telling the story. Skip it.

- Only first place raises his/her hands.
Dude, you lost. Second is good, yes. You stand on the podium, yes. But you still lost. If you are happy with NOT winning, maybe you should go to Russia or RACE MOUNTAIN BIKES or some such thing where everybody is a winner.

- Field sprint winners, please keep your hands on your bars.
We know you can suck wheels and then come around everybody in the end. Dont celebrate that you missed the freaking break.

- In fact, everybody else keep your hands on your bars as you finish.
I see this all too much. Dudes sitting up with their hands off, cruising across the line 10 seconds after the winners go through. I think it is to show that they DID NOT TRY in the sprint. Yeah dudes, we get it. You probably gave a leadout that Cipo would give a Ferrari for and that is why you are stretching out now. Its not because you got dropped on the last lap, we understand. We know you are fast, its just interesting that you decide to stretch out as you go through the area with the most spectators, which also happens to be the start finish. Look ma' no hands!

- Celebrate in proportion to the race
It just shows a lack of confidence in yourself if you go ape shit after winning the D collegiate race. Both hands off, arsenio followed by hands clapping then jersey tugging with team name stretched tight... ... ... What are you going to do when you win the collegiate D regional championship, then the D national championship. YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT. You are going to end up having to carry the head to the University's Mascot in your rear pocket in case of another chance victory. Dont risk this. Ramp the salutes up proportionately to the race level.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

When Babik won Mingo last year, who was he shooting in his victory salute? We know Bettini shot his detractors when he won the most recent Worlds. But Babik had TWO six-shooters out, and was just taking pot-shots left and right. Does he have that many detractors? Is he a homicidal maniac?

Chris Mayhew said...

What's the approved salute for winning the bell lap at the track?

garydugo said...

Steevo,
As someone who is way north of 45, I take offense to your comments. If another 45+ racer does not exact revenge for your slur, consider yourself tied into a pretzel next time I see you.

fatmarc said...

the only rule that is should be genuine, not a planned out display. Real emotion.

something canned is weak.

I hated when dudes pull out a binky or a baby toy. I mean, how many races do they ride around with a pacifier in their pocket waiting to pull that out.

I haven't had many victory celebrations, but both were pure emotion, exhaustion, and relief coming across the line.

respect
faticus

Anonymous said...

Who is Babik? Is he some pro that came and did Mingo. I bet he has fast guy side burns.

Burt Friggin' Hoovis said...

Dude, whether or not you take your hands off the bars is COMPLETELY dependent on who you just beat.

I don't care if I'm doing the East Jesus Mall Parking Lot Training Race. If I come in first to someone (or someones) who I know is a tool, you can bet your ass that I'm coming across the line with my hands in the air and giving a big fat "YO MAMMA!"*** One time I thought Russ Blake was going go punch me in the face after pulling this move at a Tuesday Night trainer in Lancaster.

I mean, if you can't use a win to bust someone's balls, what's a win good for?

Thanks,
Burt


***This hasn't actually happened in about 5 years, but that's what I used to do back before I was fat, old and busy. I used to be cool. Now I'm just a sad, washed up, loser. Its no wonder I drink and take painkillers. I'm just kidding about the painkillers part. Seriously.

b-real said...

You also forgot:
Make sure you actually win the race if you're going to salute. Nothing like somebody sprinting past you 1 foot (or would you prefer that as 30cm? LOL) from the finish line as you wave your hands like some dickhead.

Bryan Routledge said...

You are missing the link to the obvious video:

http://tinyurl.com/4jdf2r

Yup. Hands on the bars. Both of them.

ridin at 4:20 said...

Burt,

Russ Blake would put the smack down on you, Jimmy "Super-Fly" Snukka style from the top rope. Only, he would climb onto his top tube and saddle and launch over onto you as you are saluting the crowd.

Burt Friggin' Hoovis said...

Yeah - if it was a race to your mom's house.

Thanks,
Burt

ridin at 4:20 said...

Trailer, not house.

Velocitie said...

Confession (after several drinks): I can't lift both hands off the bars anyway (the handlebars,not the liquor bar,bubb); I'm too unsure of this one thing!, which is crazy, because I ride in rain, snow, sleet, fishtail clipped in,fishtail in mud, yadda, yadda. My Gawd: what the hell am I gonna do if I win?!

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